There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
