Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
