Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
