hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
