I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
