It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
