I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
