who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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