you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
