I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
