He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
