so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
