how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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