it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
