after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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