Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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