Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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