giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
