Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
