i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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