Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
