You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
