3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
