I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
