Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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