My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
