1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
