She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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