When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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