Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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