I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
