happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
