she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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