I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
