i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
