A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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