I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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