Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
