your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
