How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
