his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
