i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
