Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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