I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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