She said her name was "party"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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