Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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