hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
