btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
