Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
