he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
