I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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